Cause I'd Die Without You
by RIOTonAvenue-B
Summary: Mimi's ordeal on the streets leaves her hospitalized, and Roger makes a promise. And as always their friends are with them every step of the way.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: RENT and all related characters belong to Jonathan Larson, So I own not a notion, or anything else for that matter… Chapter 1

December 25

7:30 am

"_Mimi. Mimi", he cried. He tried to extend his arms out as if to grab her, but to no avail, they remained paralyzed at his sides. Her motionless body continued to float upward, towards the blinding white light, farther and farther out of his reach. "No, no, baby. Come back, come back baby. I love, I love y…"_

"Roger, Roger Davis….", a woman's voice called somewhere in this distance. Roger was instantly pulled from his dream, back into reality, awaking to find himself laying across several itchy blue chairs, in a strange white room.

After a few moments of confusion everything came back to him; last night Maureen and Joanne had found Mimi on the streets and she had nearly died on his kitchen table. He was now in the waiting room of the hospital where along, he and his friends had taken her despite her protests.

Upon their arrival at the hospital's emergency room, several nurses rushed Mimi away on a stretcher, and that was the last time he'd seen her. _Oh, god, was Mimi ok? How long had he been asleep for? _

"Roger, is there a Roger Davis here?", the voice called again. This time Roger turned to see a plump, dark nurse with long cornrows standing in the middle of the waiting room. She held a clipboard in her hands. "Roger Davis…" the nurse began once more. "Th…that's me", he stuttered, getting up from his chair. He ran over to the nurse, nearly tripping over Collins, who had been laying on the floor right next to him. Mark, Maureen, and Joanne were also asleep in chairs all around him, but he was too concerned about Mimi to even notice their presence.

"You're here with Ms. Marquez?", the nurse asked him when he reached her. He couldn't catch his breath to answer her, so he simply nodded his head. The nurse checked her clipboard. "How, how is she?", Roger asked once he'd finally caught his breath. "She's really lucky you found her when you did", began the nurse. Roger winced as she said this. "He hadn't been the one to save her. In fact, he was the reason she was so sick in the first place. She needed him and he wasn't there for her," he thought to himself.

"She couldn't have survived another night on the street, especially one as cold as last night". These words caused Roger to wince again as he realized how close he'd come to losing her, for good. "She's in pretty bad shape", continued the nurse, "but responding well to the meds…" "Can I see her now?" asked Roger, cutting the nurse off.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

December 25

7:45 am

"Here we are". The nurse had lead Roger down several long corridors and had finally come to a halt in front of a closed door. "Mimi", he whispered to himself as he took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob. His hands trembled. The last time he had been in a hospital room, it had been to say his final goodbyes to Angel.

"If only Angel was still alive", he thought to himself. "She would've held them all together. Angel always helped them see the best in each other, always looked out for them."

Then Roger remembered something Mimi had said last night after she'd miraculously been revived on the table. She swore it was Angel who sent her soul back from "the warm white light", Angel who sent her back to be with Roger. "Angel was still looking out for them from heaven!" Roger smiled as he realized this. He then took control of his hand, which was still shaking on the doorknob, turned the knob and entered the room.

He was greeted by the pungent odor of cleaning fluids, and the humming of a heart monitor. Mimi was lying motionlessly on a hospital bed in the center of the room. She was covered up to her chin by hauntingly white sheets and her wild dark hair was sprawled out over her pillow. Her face was almost as pale as the blankets that covered the rest of her body, with the exception of the puffy purple blotches that surrounded her eyes.

Roger brushed the back of his hand against her colorless cheek. It felt cold to his touch. He closed his eyes. He couldn't believe that this was the same girl who stole his heart with her vivacious smile and charm, the girl who could once make his heart race just by looking him in the eyes. Now barely clinging to life. It was all too much for him to handle, he sat at the foot of the bed, buried his face in his hands, and began to cry. He tried to hold back his tears, but to no avail. He was crying so hard that he didn't even notice that Mimi had awoken from her sleep, and struggled to sit herself up.

"Roger?" she called out, her voice was weak and raspy. Roger sat up, startled. "Yeah, baby, it's me", he whispered through the tears. He stood up, and moved closer to her, pressing his lips up against her forehead while brushing a strand of dark, curly hair away from her face. After several seconds, Roger withdrew from the kiss, and settled beside her on the bed. "How are you feeling, babe?" he asked_. _"Never better" she murmured, trying to smile, though Roger could see the pain in her hazy eyes.

Remaining silent, Roger lifted up the sheets from covering her. Mimi had lost so much weight that he pulled her onto his lap almost effortlessly. She let out a soft moan as he wrapped his arms around her. "Roge", she gasped, resting her head against his chest. "I'm here baby, I'm here", he assured her, pulling her into him tighter. "I won't leave you again, ever." "I wish I could promise the same", whispered Mimi, grabbing one of Roger's hands from around her waist, and holding it in between her own. "You're not going anywhere", said Roger, unsure of whom he was trying to convince.

"Maybe not now, but everyone has to die sometime, Roger". Roger knew that Mimi was right, but he didn't even want to begin to imagine life without her, especially since that had come so close to being a reality. "Then I'll go first, cause I couldn't survive without you", he responded. "And what makes you think I can survive without you?", Mimi pulled his hand to her lips and kissed him. "I love you Roger".

Once again tears stung in Roger's eyes, and this time he made no effort to hold them back. " I love you too," he cried. "I always have, and I always will." Mimi pulled herself out of Roger's embrace, and slowly turned herself around until she was face to face with him. She wiped the tears from his eyes, and wrapped her arms, which were hardly more than skin and bones, around his neck. For a few moments they gazed into each other's eyes. Roger watched amazement as the vibrancy he'd always known, and had feared he'd never see again, returned to her breath-taking brown eyes. For those few magical seconds nothing else mattered, not drugs, or aids, or money.

Mimi leaned in and Roger met her halfway. They embraced in the most passionate kiss either one of them had ever experienced. Mimi's lips, which had become terribly cracked and dry in the cold, began to bleed against Roger's.

She pulled away to wipe the blood away with the back of her hand, and was leaning in to kiss him again, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. Mimi and Roger both looked to find an elderly nurse standing before the bed, holding a bottle of pills and a Styrofoam cup. Mimi and Roger's eyes widened like two deer caught in headlights. The nurse just smiled. "Ah, to be young and in love again" she joked, in an attempt to lighten the mood. Mimi (who Roger swore was absolutely shameless) smiled innocently back at the nurse, while Roger blushed, and looked down at the floor.

"I'm terribly sorry to interrupt", the nurse continued." But Mimi, you have some meds you need to take". With that, she emptied a few pills from the bottle into Mimi's hand, and handed her the Styrofoam cup, which was filled with water.

Mimi brought her hand to her mouth, then took a gulp from the cup, and handed it back to the nurse. "Good girl, now how are you feeling? Are you in any pain? Are you cold, or hungry?" the nurse interrogated. "I'm okay, really", Mimi assured her. "Alright then, I'll just be going, but if you need anything just buzz, and I'll be here. And oh, be sure to get some sleep, so you'll get better, and you and lover boy there (pointing at Roger, who was horrified) can get a proper motel room." Even Mimi turned scarlet at this comment (though Roger had to admit, it was nice to see some color back in her face). The nurse just giggled at their reactions. She tussled Mimi's hair "I'm just kidding with you kids, but seriously get some sleep, Mimi. You need it." And with that the nurse turned around and walked out the door.

Mimi began to laugh softly had what had just happened. Her laughter was like music to Roger's ears, although he was still too horrified to make a sound himself. "Lighten up, babe," Mimi said, grabbing his face and kissing him on the cheek, then settling back into his embrace. He held onto her in silence for several minutes, and it wasn't until she began to tremble in his arms (a sure sign that her with drawl was starting-up again), that he remembered how sick she was. "You really should get some sleep Mi," he said, breaking the silence. She let out a small yawn, proving his point. "You won't leave?" she asked. "The nurses would have to pry me away from you", he promised. Hearing this made her smile slightly, and once again she rested her head on his chest, and closed her eyes. Roger watched as she fell asleep in his arms. He ran his fingers through her tangled curls, and his eyelids began to feel heavy.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

December 25

10:00am

"Wake up Rogey!" Roger rubbed his eyes to find his best friend Mark hovering over him. "Let the boy get some sleep, he hardly got any last night he was up, worried sick", Collins yelled at Mark. Roger rubbed his eyes once more and sat up to find himself surrounded by his friends. Joanne and Maureen sat on either end of the foot of the bed holding Mimi, now wrapped up in the white sheet, between them. Collins and Mark stood on either side of Roger at the head of the bed.

Collins sat down beside Roger. "How are you feeling?" he asked. "I'm not the one who almost died," Roger shot at him. "Well then, what are you feeling?" He shifted his eyes towards Mimi, who was trembling again, but too engaged in the conversation she was having with Maureen and Joanne to let it bother her. "Lucky", he murmured. "And incredibly grateful for Angel". Collins smiled upon hearing this and rested his hand on Roger's shoulder. "Yeah, that woman was really something", he sighed. "IS really something", Roger corrected him. "Amen", agreed Mark, sitting down on the other side of Roger.

"You look like shit," Mark commented, "have some coffee". He handed Roger a Styrofoam cup with a lid, but Roger pushed it away. "I'm fine". "Suit your self," said Mark, as he removed the lid from the cup, and took a sip from it. "Coffee!" exclaimed Maureen. "Send it this way." "No way, get your own", Mark clenched the cup close to his chest. "But Pookie," Maureen pouted. "Fine" he grumbled extending the cup out to Maureen. "Hey whadda ya know?" joked Collins. "Once a sucker, always a sucker." This caused everyone to crack up except Mark and Joanne, who both scowled.

Mimi, detecting tension brewing between Maureen and Joanne, used this as an opportunity to make her way back into Roger's embrace. "Hey baby", Roger kissed her and wrapped his arms back around her, releasing her from all of her pain. At that moment her stomach let out a loud rumble. "Are you hungry?" Roger asked. Mimi shook her head. "Bullshit, you must be. I'll go to the cafeteria and get you something to eat." "No Roge. You must be hungry too. Stay here with Mimi, and me and Mark will go get you guys food", said Collins standing up, and motioning for Mark to do the same. "Are you sure?" asked Roger. "Yeah, boy" he replied heading for the door with Mark. This left Mimi and Roger alone in the room again, as Joanne and Maureen had stepped outside to argue.

Mimi, resting in Roger's arms, was still trembling, now violently. Roger racked his brain, trying to remember how he coped with his with-drawl, but he had pretty much blocked all memories from that horrible year from his mind. He ran his hand through the opening where Mimi's powder blue hospital gown tied in the back, and massaged her bare back. She shook some more. "I wanna give in," she moaned. "It hurts so bad". "I know baby, I know.", he said not knowing what else to tell her. "It'll get better, I promise." "When?" "Give it some time." "I can't do it Roger," she cried, turning around to face him. "It's too hard, I'm not as strong as you." He looked into her eyes, and wiped the tears from them, just like she'd done for him earlier. She pulled herself closer to him, until they were lying chest-to-chest.

"Getting off smack was the hardest thing I've ever done," Roger began to explain. "There was never a day that went by that I didn't think about using, and there still isn't." Mimi looked up at him. "What stops you", she asked, "from using again?" Roger thought about his answer for a few moments. "There's so much more to live for, so many things you miss out on when you're wasting your life getting high." She pondered this for several seconds. "Like what?" she asked. " Love, for one thing", he answered, smiling down at her. Pain flashed in her eyes. "You know I love you, and smack doesn't affect that." "Then get of off it. Don't give into the withdrawal. If not for yourself, do it for me, baby. For us." "For you", she whispered, running her lips down his jaw-line, then burring her face in his chest. She was still trembling slightly. Roger kept his arms around her, and the two remained locked like that until Collins and Mark came back with two trays of food ten minutes later.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

December 25

11:05 am

"Food's here", called Collins walking into the room. " Whoa, take it easy, you guys, " began Mark entering the room behind Collins, and finding Roger and Mimi on the bed. "I mean we leave for fifteen minutes and…" began Mark.

"Shut up, Mark," Roger said dryly, sitting up and climbing off of the bed.

Collins reached over to the bed and placed the tray he was holding on Mimi's lap. "Thanks", she mumbled. Roger grabbed the tray Mark was holding and sat down on one of the itchy chairs against the room's wall. Collin's sat in the chair beside him, leaving Mark to sit on the floor.

The scrambled eggs were spongy and tasteless, the toast was burnt and tasted like cardboard, the coffee was cold and much too bitter, but neither Roger nor Mimi complained. As they devoured their food in silence, Maureen and Joanne reentered the room. They assumed their previous positions at the foot of the bed in silence. Roger finished eating and placed his empty tray on the floor. When Mimi finished he took her tray from her and left it on the floor beside his own, and settled back on the bed next to her.

"Merry Christmas everyone", whispered Maureen, in an attempt to break the awkward silence that had taken over the room. "Hey, it is Christmas!" explained Collins. "I completely forgot." With that, he proceeded in giving everyone in the room a Christmas hug. The mood in the room lightened greatly as the friends followed Collins in exchanging hugs and kisses.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

December 25

9:30 pm

Their friends had left the hospital hours ago, leaving Mimi and Roger alone. They had spent hours watching Christmas specials on the TV in the hospital room. But now the TV was off, and the two laid side-by-side, arms tangled around each other. A silence had swept over them, this silence wasn't awkward or uncomfortable though, it was peaceful and romantic.

"You know," whispered Roger, " last night was a year since I met you". "Yeah, I guess it was," Mimi smiled. " It feels like so much longer." "Like I've known you all of my life," agreed Roger. "I never thought I'd be able to feel anything again after, you know." "April?" "Yeah April (it still hurt him to say her name). But then I met you, and well, the rest is history". She looked up at him, her eyes sparkling.

"I remember the first time I saw you," she began. "You were sitting on the fire escape with your guitar, not really playing it though, just staring down at the street. I thought you were really cute, all dark and mysterious." Roger blushed a little; Mimi ran her fingers through his hair.

"But there was something in your eyes that really drew me to you. Pain, loneliness, I guess. So I figured I'd make you my 'special project', find out why you were so lonely and help you feel better. So that night, I knocked on your door with a candle. You opened up to me a little bit, and I thought I had you, but then you got all uneasy and kicked me out".

"I knew I should've forgotten about you then and there," she continued, "but I couldn't. It wasn't about easing your pain anymore. I'd fallen for you, and was in over my head. So I came back to see you after work, and you know the rest". Roger grimaced; he remembered the rest, all too clearly. How hard he'd tried to resist her, out of fear of being hurt again, how he'd struggled to get over himself only to leave her when she needed him the most. His eyes began to sting, again.

"I'm so sorry Mi," he cried into her hair. " Don't be," she said. " I came on way too strong…" she tried to lighten the mood, but Roger continued to sob. " You needed me, and I couldn't get over myself to be there for you. And now you're sick, for god sake you died on my table last night." "But I came back baby," Mimi pointed out. "I'm here now, and I still need you. I never stopped needing you." " No, baby. I'm the one that needs you. I need you more than you know," sobbed Roger.

"Oh, I know how much you need me," she laughed." Who else would always have you on your toes?" He stared at her and smiled through his tears. "And who would keep you grounded on your feet?"

They leaned in to kiss again when Roger's AZT beeper went off. He got up and checked his watch. It was ten o' clock, hospital visiting hours were officially over for the day. "I should get going," he kissed her forehead. "Please stay", she begged, grabbing his hand. "Just a few more minutes." Her eyes, now pouting, struck a nerve in him, and before he knew it, he was back in the bed with a sleeping Mimi cradled in his arms**. **He took a moment to gaze at her. Her skin, which had returned to its usual rich-caramel color, had a radiant glow about it, and her face relaxed as she slept. Even though her eyes were puffy, her cheeks much too thin, and her lips were raw and cracked; to Roger she was as beautiful as ever. He kissed her cheek once more.

Roger checked his watch it was 10:32, he knew he should getting going home. Mark was probably waiting up for him. He tried to sit up, but Mimi was on top of him. It would be impossible to move without waking her. He began to break free of her grasp, when he realized he was doing something that he never wanted to do again; push Mimi away from him. He immediately stopped himself and laid back down with her, and with in a few minutes he was as fast asleep as she was.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

December 26

8:00 am

Roger opened his eyes to find Mimi staring at him, smiling. He was startled for a second, but then he recalled falling asleep beside her last night.

"Good morning, babe," Mimi whispered, stroking Roger's cheek. He kissed her forehead. "Yeah, it is". Mimi scooted herself closer and wrapped her arms around him.

"So, you stayed the whole night?" she asked after a few moments of silence. "Yeah, I guess I did." "Looks like Mark's not the only sucker," she smirked. "Well, what can I say?" Roger replied, running his fingers through her wild mane of hair. "Don't say anything baby", Mimi cooed as she pressed her lips on to his.

"Eh hem", a shrewd cough interrupted them. As if she couldn't have picked a worse moment, the same nurse from the previous morning now appeared in the room. Like yesterday, she came equip with a bottle of pills and cup of water. "Good morning, Mimi. And Lover boy," she nodded at Roger, but he didn't so much as flinch this time. The nurse proceeded in handing Mimi her meds and the water.

"How's she doing?" Roger asked the nurse, as Mimi swallowed the pills. "A lot better, the doctors say she'll be able to leave tomorrow", the nurse smiled as she said this.

"That's great!" exclaimed Roger. Mimi just smiled half-heartedly. The nurse didn't pick up on Mimi's apprehension, but Roger (whom to Mimi's dismay could read her like a book) did.

"What's wrong Mi?" he asked once the nurse left the room. "I thought you'd be ecstatic to get out of here." "I am, it's just…" her voice drifted off. "Just what?" " It's just, well…where do we go from here, Roger?" She asked looking up at him, the brown eyes that Roger loved so much, widened and full of uncertainty. This question caught Roger off-guard. He hadn't given the future much thought. Up until yesterday, he never imagined that they'd have a future.

"I don't know," he admitted, after a few moments of silence. "Whatever shit life throws at us, we'll just have to deal with it, together."

"It's not that easy, Roger. Life's never that easy", she murmured, resting her head on his shoulder. " I know it won't be easy, but I have you and you're all I need", he threw his arms around her as he said this.

Mimi closed her eyes. "You know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you, Roge." Roger kissed the top of her head. "I know, baby." He was reminded of this every time he looked at her sickly figure, every time he heard her cry out in pain, every time he felt her body trembling against his own. He wanted to express to her how much her devotion meant to him, how he was equally as devoted to her, how he loved her with all of his heart, but he couldn't find the right words to say it.

Instead he took her face in between his hands, and pressed his lips on to hers. She let out a passionate moan and forced herself on top of him. Her fingers now running through his soft locks of hair, her lips never strayed from his. Roger ran his hands down her back, trying to find the opening in the hospital gown, moaning with pleasure when he did. He was running his hands down her bare back, closer and closer to approaching 'the best ass below 14th street' when he heard voices approaching the room. He tried to let go of her, but it was too late.

"Hey Mimi," he heard Maureen's voice, as the door opened. " Just me and Jo… oh my god". "Maureen, I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times you can't just barge in on…" Joanne's voice trailed behind, but came to a dead halt when she entered the room.

"Um, hi guys," Mimi stuttered, turning around to face them. Once again her cheeks glowed a scarlet color. She crawled off of Roger, and began to re-tie the back of her gown. Roger, also scarlet in the face, gave a shy wave. "How the hell does this keep happening?" he thought to himself.

A mischievous smile, flashed across Maureen's face, and at that moment Roger and Mimi knew they would never be allowed to forget this incident. Joanne noticed the look too, and pushed Maureen towards the door. "We'll just come back at a better time," She murmured still in shock. "Come on Pookie, " Maureen whined resisting her. "They're finished." "Yeah because you interrupted them. Haven't you bothered them enough for one day?"

Maureen pouted. Mimi looked at Roger, and he immediately understood. He kissed her forehead one last time then began to climb out of the bed. "No, you guys stay. I was just leaving anyway." That was all the invitation Maureen needed, she ran over to the head of the bed and climbed into the spot where Roger had been sitting just a few seconds before. "Still warm", she commented.

Joanne shot her a 'death stare' and remained standing in place. "Are you sure Roger, because…" "Pookie, chill, he was leaving anyway", Maureen interrupted. "Because," she continued, completely ignoring Maureen, "we can always come back at a better time". "No, no, it's fine," insisted Roger, heading for the door. "Are you sure Roger?" Joanne asked again. "If it wasn't for you two, god knows where Mimi would be right now. I think the least I can do is let you guys have some time with her." "He's right," pointed out Maureen. Joanne, although still not completely convinced, began to move closer towards the bed. "I'll be back later, Mi," Roger promised. And with that, he walked out of the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

December 26

12:00 pm

"Mi, Mi, Mi, Mi," Roger hummed as he played a few chords on his Fender. After wandering the halls in the hospital for a half an hour while Maureen and Joanne were with Mimi, Roger had decided to return home for a few hours. He was now sitting on the ancient couch in the loft. He shivered as drops of water from his hair, still wet from the shower he'd taken, ran down his back. Once again, good ol' Benny had neglected to turn on their heat. "Mother fucker," Roger thought to himself as he laid the guitar down on the coffee table beside the couch and walked over to the kitchenette.

He was just pouring himself a cup of coffee when Mark walked in the door. "Hey," Roger called out. "You're here," said Mark, surprised. "I do live here, you know, or at least I did last time I checked," Roger said, sarcasm lingering in his voice. " I know, I just figured you'd still be at the hospital, is all."

Roger took a sip of coffee from the mug he was holding, then spit it out when he realized how hot it was. "Nice one," commented Mark as he took of the jacket he was wearing and threw it on the table, placing his camera next to it. "Why aren't you at the hospital, anyway?" "I was kicked out", grumbled Roger, trying to wipe the coffee off of his shirt. Marks eyes widened, and he tried to hold back a laugh. " By who? Mimi? What happened?" he asked. "Maureen" was the unenthusiastic answer he received. "Oh…gottcha," that was all the explanation Mark needed. "Gotta love that woman." Roger smirked as Mark made this comment but chose to let it go unanswered.

"What have you been up to today?" asked Roger, changing the subject. "The usual," Mark sighed. " Called Benny and argued over the heating, went to life support with Collins…oh, Paul says 'hi' by the way…did a little filming…" "Had a few sexual fantasies about Maureen", Roger interrupted. Mark gave him the finger and walked to the counter to get some coffee.

"So, when's Mimi coming home?" Mark sat down at the table. "Tomorrow". "That's great!" "Yeah," Roger smiled. "So I guess you'll be moving back with her?" Mark assumed. " Yeah I guess, or she could crash here…we haven't really discussed it yet, I mean her place is just downstairs so it's not like there's actually any 'moving'." " Oh, well, whatever you decide" responded Mark. "Why? Are you trying to get rid of me?" "Damn, you figured it out," Mark smiled.

Roger headed towards the door. "We'll since I'm clearly not welcome here, I think I'll just head back to the hospital, where I'll be welcomed with open arms". "By who? Mimi or Maureen?" Roger looked at his watch, it was almost 1:00pm. "What the hell could they possibly talk about for four hours?" "It's Maureen, you're talking about!" Mark reminded him. "Joanne was there too…" "And your point is…" Roger pondered this. All three of them together, with none of the guys around… He could hear them giggling about him now. " I guess I don't have one." "You always were a smart one, Roger". Roger gave Mark the finger this time, and sat down on the couch, taking up his guitar.

"I'm writing one great song before….before Mark gets laid". " Fuck you, Roger," Mark screamed over his playing. "And I'll have you know that me and Maur…" Roger strummed on the chords as loudly as he could; he really didn't want to hear the second part of that sentence.


End file.
